Ten years ago, I started a blog as I was healing from a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. I was not feeling worthy enough and had imposter syndrome.  I published it, but didn’t advertise it to the world at large.  I shared the link in a Facebook group for women with breast cancer. I received a few kind comments, but didn’t feel like I was worthy of sharing my story. I am now ready to share my story. I am ready to share my healing journey and hopefully bring together a community of kind, empathetic, and compassionate people looking to make meaningful connections. I would like to share my healing journey in hopes of showing people that being vulnerable about your healing can help others and also you. Whether we admit it or not we all have suffered, something has hurt us physically, emotionally or spiritually.  I do not share this to tout myself as an expert.  I am not a doctor, therapist or specialist of any kind.  I am an ordinary person sharing her life and healing journey.  

At the time of my breast cancer diagnosis I felt life had taken a positive upswing. I had just passed the one year anniversary of living in a house I had purchased on my own.  I was a single mom working hard to support myself and my family. I was healing from feeling unworthy of love and found myself in a good place, emotionally and physically. I had gone to my doctor to check in on feeling tired a lot of the time.  She chalked it up to being a full time working mom and teacher.  Of course I was tired!  As I left the nurse handed me a referral for a mammogram.  I asked why I was being referred for a mammogram.  She told me it was time for my next (second in my life) mammogram, so I thought nothing of it. Being a tired, single teacher mom I scheduled it for Spring Break to help alleviate having to get a substitute. It comes with extra work to prepare for a substitute and I didn’t want the extra work on top of parent conference prep.  So I waited for Spring Break, it was the perfect solution.

I had my mammogram at the end of Spring Break.  I got a call that I needed to go in and see the doctor about something that was found in my mammogram results. There were calcifications in my breast. This led to an appointment for a needle biopsy. I would like to say that the table used for this procedure was not designed for comfort or dignity. You lay face down on a hard table with a hole in it for your breast to “fall through” for the procedure. (My head turned towards the wall for 45 minutes…such a crink in the neck) Your breast is then held in place like a mammogram for the biopsy.  If you are not positioned just right you get readjusted and squished again…the third time was a charm for me. Then I lay like this for 45 minutes while the male doctor and female nurse worked to bore out breast tissue like a core sample of earth. Once they had all the samples the nurse had me follow her to a mammogram room where she took pictures of the samples.  I had to follow her so I could visually see that she had my breast tissue and it wasn’t mixed up. It felt like a walk of shame.  Here I follow my possibly cancerous tissue down the hall in my paper gown before getting redressed worrying with every step. Then back to the room to get dressed while the samples were prepared to be sent out for testing.  While the nurse was kind and empathetic, it was a very uncomfortable appointment overall. I was then told I would hear back in 7-10 days. I got a call from the nurse at my general practitioner’s office three days later.  I needed to come in the next morning to talk to my doctor.  I knew then that she was going to tell me I had breast cancer.  It was a long night.  I had to paint on my happy mom face and go about a normal evening. Oh and I needed to get a substitute and write up plans for the next morning for my doctor’s appointment. Needless to say this began my breast cancer journey and a healing journey that opened many new and old wounds in me for the next many years to come. 

I am posting this on the 10th anniversary of being cancer free!!!   I chose my surgery date as my cancer free date.  May 19th is the day the surgeon took the cancer out of my body. If you are reading this, thank you.  I begin my blog again feeling empowered and ready to share my healing with the world.  

If you are interested and would love to read more of my journey stay tuned.  I am working on reflections for my earlier posts from 9-10 years ago. 

With coffee and kindness from Heartwriter Studios