So I received an email reminder to have my annual mammogram yesterday.  This brought up a lot of emotions as I no longer have breasts so I can’t have a mammogram. It has been a year since the mammogram that led to my breast cancer diagnosis.  It seems like not that long ago and forever ago at the same time. I haven’t written anything for this blog in a long time as I have been struggling to decide if I should share my blog or not.  As I have said before I started it to share the daily life, (or weekly) as would be more likely, of an elementary school teacher.  It ended up being a great way for me to work through how I was feeling about my breast cancer.  I have so far only shared it in a few closed groups and with a friend to get advise on whether to share it or not.  I think I have decided to share it, but am still working out for myself why.  What is the purpose of sharing my story?

I think the purpose of sharing my story is to inspire women to get preventative care, to help anyone who may be going through a similar experience or just to share.  A mammogram is not a fun experience…it is kind of like bra shopping.  You do it because it is necessary, which also means many women put it off.  PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT OFF.  My mammogram saved my life.  My cancer was caught early and I chose a more extreme treatment to assure wiping it out of my body.  Each person’s cancer story is different, but feeling supported and knowing you are not alone in the fight is comforting.

I also put off writing as I have been working through a lot of emotions connected to my physical and emotional healing.  As I look back it is very surreal- from my initial cancer diagnosis to my cancer-free diagnosis was three months, which felt like three years.  While the majority of my physical healing is done, I am still healing emotionally.  At times, I have felt completely broken and others very empowered.  While I know my looks don’t define me, society at large is very uncomfortable with people who don’t fit the basic mold.  So I have had to come to terms with not having breasts and what this means…most people don’t notice or care.  However, there is the rare occasion when people look at you funny.  My angry side wants to shout I am a cancer survivor not a freak, stop staring.  Then I take a breath and think ignore them.  It is also hard because my tops and dresses no longer fit correctly.  There are also a number of clothes I can’t wear due to strategically placed darts, cuts or padding added in swimsuits.  While all small hurdles they are still new experiences that I can’t always predict.  So I will continue to cross these hurdles some I will clear easily and others I will pick my self up when I fall.  No matter what I know I am strong and can get through anything.

If you are reading this…please ask a women you know – have you had a mammogram recently?  It could save her life 🙂