Tag: breast-cancer

Reminder becomes Reflection

Woman standing by calm lake holding travel mug with trees and mountains at sunrise
AI created image

Written April 6th, 2017 Reminder for Nothing

So I received an email reminder to have my annual mammogram yesterday.  This brought up a lot of emotions as I no longer have breasts so I can’t have a mammogram. It has been a year since the mammogram that led to my breast cancer diagnosis.  It seems like not that long ago and forever ago at the same time. I haven’t written anything for this blog in a long time as I have been struggling to decide if I should share my blog or not.  As I have said before I started it to share the daily life, (or weekly) as would be more likely, of an elementary school teacher.  It ended up being a great way for me to work through how I was feeling about my breast cancer.  I have so far only shared it in a few closed groups and with a friend to get advice on whether to share it or not.  I think I have decided to share it, but am still working out for myself why.  What is the purpose of sharing my story?

 I think the purpose of sharing my story is to inspire women to get preventative care, to help anyone who may be going through a similar experience and just to share.  A mammogram is not a fun experience…it is kind of like bra shopping.  You do it because it is necessary, which also means many women put it off.  PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT OFF.  My mammogram saved my life.  My cancer was caught early and I chose a more extreme treatment to assure wiping it out of my body.  Each person’s cancer story is different, but feeling supported and knowing you are not alone in the fight is comforting.

 I also put off writing as I have been working through a lot of emotions connected to my physical and emotional healing.  As I look back it is very surreal- from my initial cancer diagnosis to my cancer-free diagnosis was three months, which felt like three years.  While the majority of my physical healing is done, I am still healing emotionally.  At times, I have felt completely broken and others very empowered.  While I know my looks don’t define me, society at large is very uncomfortable with people who don’t fit the basic mold.  So I have had to come to terms with not having breasts and what this means…most people don’t notice or care.  However, there is the rare occasion when people look at you funny.  My angry side wants to shout I am a cancer survivor not a freak, stop staring.  Then I take a breath and think ignore them.  It is also hard because my tops and dresses no longer fit correctly.  There are also a number of clothes I can’t wear due to strategically placed darts, cuts or padding added in swimsuits.  While all small hurdles they are still new experiences that I can’t always predict.  So I will continue to cross these hurdles, some I will clear easily and others I will pick myself up when I fall.  No matter what I know I am strong and can get through anything.

If you are reading this…please ask a woman you know – have you had a mammogram recently?  It could save her life 🙂

A reflection on Reminder for Nothing July 17, 2026

This passage has a lot packed in it:

  • Reminder email
  • What is the purpose of sharing my story?
  • The importance of mammograms & personal health
  • The emotions around how my body changed; amputation
  • Physical healing vs. emotional healing

I think these all deserve their own post, so more to come on all of these topics. Today let’s dive into the reminder email.

I assumed this was a robo-email added to the system after last year’s mammogram. Many emotions were already swirling as I neared one year after diagnosis and then cancer free shortly after diagnosis. At this point, I was physically healed, but not emotionally healed. I was still struggling with my body image, suppressed anger and continued fear about it coming back somehow. I cried after reading the email.  Then later was offended that this email would be sent. Then after calming down I knew I needed to call and ask to have reminders for mammograms removed. There is nothing to squish anymore. 

The next day, I called and asked the receptionist how to get yearly reminders removed from my account as I had had a double mastectomy last year due to cancer. She was kind and apologetic. At the end of the call, I felt bad for her as she apologized many times during our call. Robo-reminders being taken away was all I asked – “please help so this doesn’t happen again next year”. She assured me no more would happen and they haven’t. I had enough physical reminders without a yearly phone call.

However, this opened up all the feels. Only a year before I have been scared, numb and worried about my health and future. Also, feelings of gratitude for early detection, options for how to treat and my healthy, cancer free recovery.

As I look back, I am proud of kindly advocating for myself. I didn’t yell or blame the person on the other end of the phone. I asked for reassurance that no more reminders would happen. Reassurance along the way gives more peace of mind than you would think. I had enough reminders without more. The roller coaster of emotions that comes with cancer and healing is a twisted track with unexpected turns and emotions. 

More to come soon on the other ideas in the previous writing.

With coffee and kindness – Hearwriter Studios

10 years cancer free!

Ten years ago, I started a blog as I was healing from a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. I was not feeling worthy enough and had imposter syndrome.  I published it, but didn’t advertise it to the world at large.  I shared the link in a Facebook group for women with breast cancer. I received a few kind comments, but didn’t feel like I was worthy of sharing my story. I am now ready to share my story. I am ready to share my healing journey and hopefully bring together a community of kind, empathetic, and compassionate people looking to make meaningful connections. I would like to share my healing journey in hopes of showing people that being vulnerable about your healing can help others and also you. Whether we admit it or not we all have suffered, something has hurt us physically, emotionally or spiritually.  I do not share this to tout myself as an expert.  I am not a doctor, therapist or specialist of any kind.  I am an ordinary person sharing her life and healing journey.  

At the time of my breast cancer diagnosis I felt life had taken a positive upswing. I had just passed the one year anniversary of living in a house I had purchased on my own.  I was a single mom working hard to support myself and my family. I was healing from feeling unworthy of love and found myself in a good place, emotionally and physically. I had gone to my doctor to check in on feeling tired a lot of the time.  She chalked it up to being a full time working mom and teacher.  Of course I was tired!  As I left the nurse handed me a referral for a mammogram.  I asked why I was being referred for a mammogram.  She told me it was time for my next (second in my life) mammogram, so I thought nothing of it. Being a tired, single teacher mom I scheduled it for Spring Break to help alleviate having to get a substitute. It comes with extra work to prepare for a substitute and I didn’t want the extra work on top of parent conference prep.  So I waited for Spring Break, it was the perfect solution.

I had my mammogram at the end of Spring Break.  I got a call that I needed to go in and see the doctor about something that was found in my mammogram results. There were calcifications in my breast. This led to an appointment for a needle biopsy. I would like to say that the table used for this procedure was not designed for comfort or dignity. You lay face down on a hard table with a hole in it for your breast to “fall through” for the procedure. (My head turned towards the wall for 45 minutes…such a crink in the neck) Your breast is then held in place like a mammogram for the biopsy.  If you are not positioned just right you get readjusted and squished again…the third time was a charm for me. Then I lay like this for 45 minutes while the male doctor and female nurse worked to bore out breast tissue like a core sample of earth. Once they had all the samples the nurse had me follow her to a mammogram room where she took pictures of the samples.  I had to follow her so I could visually see that she had my breast tissue and it wasn’t mixed up. It felt like a walk of shame.  Here I follow my possibly cancerous tissue down the hall in my paper gown before getting redressed worrying with every step. Then back to the room to get dressed while the samples were prepared to be sent out for testing.  While the nurse was kind and empathetic, it was a very uncomfortable appointment overall. I was then told I would hear back in 7-10 days. I got a call from the nurse at my general practitioner’s office three days later.  I needed to come in the next morning to talk to my doctor.  I knew then that she was going to tell me I had breast cancer.  It was a long night.  I had to paint on my happy mom face and go about a normal evening. Oh and I needed to get a substitute and write up plans for the next morning for my doctor’s appointment. Needless to say this began my breast cancer journey and a healing journey that opened many new and old wounds in me for the next many years to come. 

I am posting this on the 10th anniversary of being cancer free!!!   I chose my surgery date as my cancer free date.  May 19th is the day the surgeon took the cancer out of my body. If you are reading this, thank you.  I begin my blog again feeling empowered and ready to share my healing with the world.  

If you are interested and would love to read more of my journey stay tuned.  I am working on reflections for my earlier posts from 9-10 years ago. 

With coffee and kindness from Heartwriter Studios