Here is what I wrote in September of 2016 

Second Guessing

I never knew I could second guess so many things: what I eat, what is in foods – should I eat it – should I feed it to my daughter???  Could there be more problems in the future?  Should I have the genetic testing done?  What do I do for my daughter if it comes back positive in the genetic testing?

 All of the above questions make me think – BREATHE – JUST BREATHE.  It is good to second guess things.  That means you are thinking about what is happening in your life, not just letting life happen to you.  I am also realizing as I second guess different parts of life I have to take a calm, thoughtful approach to how to handle each question or situation.  One of my favorite sayings is No Mud, No Lotus…you can’t have the good without it being a bit messy.  So I am going to wade, wallow or even sink into the mud knowing that if I can get through the mud there will be something beautiful at the end.  I am learning to embrace the small moments…they are TRULY the big moments in life.

 The little things (small moments): my daughter’s laughter and silliness, a good song, a cup of warm coffee, laughing with friends, my students’ silly ideas and hard work…these are just a few of the many good things in my life!

 So my friends second guess away.  Then  just breathe and enjoy the little things.

Second Guessing becomes Gratitude ( reflection on September 2016 writing)

Now I believe what I saw as second guessing is really the reflective nature of my thinking and when worried overthinking me takes over the internal conversation. With reflection comes gratitude – what in my life am I grateful for, big and small? This helps to settle my overthinking mind.

I still embrace the saying No Mud, No Lotus. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the muddy moments in my life. Sometimes I have wallowed in the mud and other times I have sunk into the mud to listen. I have learned a lot from these muddy times. Not to say this was easy or fun, but helpful in illuminating things I wasn’t able to see. I have learned how strong I am, who my supportive family and friends are and that life ebbs and flows between mud and blooming. Mud is not a shoe dropping, just a natural part of life’s messiness. I can honestly say I am grateful for the mud in my life. The muddy moments have taught me a lot. I am still grateful for my daughter’s laughter and she gives the best hugs. I am grateful for the supportive community of family and friends I have in my life. I am grateful for how proud I am of what I have done in my life despite the mud. I have bloomed into a kind, strong woman who knows her worth (even if I still doubt myself at times). My younger self would be proud and in awe of who we have become ebbing and flowing between the mud and beautiful flower moments in life.

With coffee and kindness – Heartwriter Studios