Here is the beginning of my cancer story – I went to my general practitioner on April 22nd where she told me I had DCIS (breast cancer).  As she said if cancer could be good this was the good kind of cancer.  It was stage 0; non-invasive breast cancer contained in the milk duct of my right breast.  I was then sent to a surgeon the following Tuesday to talk options.  I also began telling my family I had cancer…along with close friends.  A friend from work met me at the doctor’s office so I wouldn’t be alone because I am stubborn and chose to go by myself.  I didn’t know I needed this support until we were sitting in her car.  I felt numb and overwhelmed by the news.  So many questions and worries beginning with how to tell family; especially my daughter.

Luckily, my appointment was on a Friday and my daughter would be at her dad’s for the weekend.  I would have time to adsorb the news and begin figuring out how to tell my family. That night I called and invited my parents in for dinner, so I could tell them.  Then, I planned to go out and tell my ex-father-in-law (aka my 2nd Dad) on Sunday before I picked up my daughter.  I would like to say there is nothing harder than telling family members that you have cancer. I spent the weekend laying on the couch, crying and making family members cry…this part of cancer sucks!!  Just writing this has made me cry again remembering the different reactions of family members that weekend and beyond.

This also began a long period of sleepless nights.  I was trying to not lose it at work or in front of my daughter while figuring out what my options were for treatment.  During these long nights I read many articles and looked at a lot of pictures of what women look like after mastectomies and lumpectomies.  I spoke with a few ladies about their experiences with the same diagnosis.  They opted for different treatment plans with different results.  This helped me to make my decision about what I should do, so I would live a long time after this diagnosis.

I know some people don’t like the word journey, but I use this word to describe the path we take throughout our lives.  There are straight paths, curvy paths, long, short, bumpy -so many ways to describe the events in our lives.  I have even thought of life as a roller coaster at times.  You never know what is around the next corner or hill, but you have to be brave.  This is not always easy and a lot of the time it feels scary and beyond my control.  However, I have learned that I can control how I deal with and feel my way through life.  I want to be brave, loving and inspiring.

I am not sure where to begin, so I will begin at the start. I decided to see my doctor in March due to being tired, maybe exhausted is a better word.  I went thinking of course I am tired; I am a single, working mom.  At the end of my appointment my doctor did blood work and referred me to have a mammogram.  When I asked why she said because it had been a year and a half since my mammogram (my one and only mammogram).  Luckily, I could make my appointment during spring break…woohoo, I wouldn’t have to take any leave or write sub plans (bonus)!

My mammogram was on April 4th.  I took my daughter with me. She got to wait in the waiting room and read – fun way to start her spring break.  After this we enjoyed Spring Break together.  We went roller skating, watched movies, played with Legos, had a visit from her older sister and put in a new garden bed.  It was a good week. The following week we went back to school and the mammography office left a message for me to call back.  I went back on April 15th because they found calcifications that needed to be biopsied.  My biopsy was then scheduled for April 19th.  I was so scared, while friends and family reassured me it would be fine I wasn’t so confident.  I read about what my stereotactic biopsy would entail.  Let’s just say a guy invented this machine – you lay face down on a table with a hole in it.  Your breast falls through the hole and then it is stabalized ( let’s call this what it is PINCHED) in a good place for the technician to be able to use the needle to take samples.  This took an hour, 5 adjustments of my breast to be in the right spot, markers of where they took the sample and to top it off a mammogram to document where the markers were placed.  Then back to work with ice packs in my bra to help with the swelling.  Then the waiting and bruising began – within a week my boob looked as though it could camouflage for the army.  It continued to change colors for quite some time…weird, but a great laugh some days.  Along with the waiting for results not laughable–very nerve raking.   I was told it would be 7 – 10 days for results to come back.

I received a call from my doctor’s office 2 days later; my doctor wanted to see me the next day.  This was no good!  I lost it – it must be cancer and I can’t have cancer!  I have a wonderful little girl to raise, bug, love and life to live.  This begins my cancer story…more to come soon.

My first post – this opens a whole new world.  The Other Shoe, I have always used this expression in a negative way, but starting today I am turning it into a positive.  In the past when I felt as though life was going well, I would wonder when will the other shoe drop and make life hell.  Now I am choosing to say when the shoe drops I am going to pick up the other foot and kick life in the a$$.